Aeon Flux
Little does Charlize know that we’ve replaced her stunt mattress with a porcupine.

Theatrical Release Date: 12/02/2005
Director: Karyn Kusama
Cast: Charlize Theron, Sophie Okonedo, Marton Csokas, Jonny Lee Miller, Frances McDormand, Pete Postlethwaite

Going into Karyn Kusama’s interpretation of “Aeon Flux”, I had already prepared the line “Aeon Flux Sucks” due to the lackluster trailers I’ve seen for months now. And it does. It should come as no surprise that this film was withheld from film critics before it opened, so no one could shout the advance warning to save your money or better yet, to burn it. The real question I have after watching this 93 minute epic is how in the hell did this movie get released in December?

Normally, December releases are either big blockbuster films like the upcoming “Lion, Witch & the Wardrobe”, Academy Award contenders like “Munich”, or both, in the form of “King Kong”. (I know you’re snickering but with the reviews I’ve read and the likely box office draw, you may be seeing Kong take home the Best Picture Oscar, seeing as it is Titanic meets Jurassic Park … I’m not happy about it either but that’s award season reality).

With “Aeon Sux”, the audience is “treated” to watching a cast that includes Charlize Theron, Sophie Okonedo, Frances McDormand and Pete Postlethwaite perform in such inanity that you wonder how they were enlisted in the first place. I mean, speaking of Academy Awards, these four actors have 4 nominations and 2 wins between them. Maybe this was released so near award season because the cast had been so highly praised beforehand … I still don’t get it.

Oh wait, maybe this film sux thanks to the inclusion of the villain of “XXX”, Marton Csokas and Crash Override himself, Jonny Lee Miller. They play brothers! Isn’t that fantastic! No, I can’t really blame them. While not necessarily dripping with acting prowess, I usually enjoy them for their “talents”.

Nope, the blame here falls squarely on the director and the script. This film is stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I could only have been less engaged if I was watching another movie while watching this one. Thankfully, I did have a King Kong Kup with Jack Black’s big head on it to sip fruit punch from so I was able to escape the suckage for moments at a time.

Doing much more delving in this review is really only an exercise in futility. Kusama somehow makes you feel all 93 minutes of this film; the entire “Band of Brothers” miniseries goes by faster than this. The plot is retarded (which is an insult to ‘challenged’ individuals) and the characters are one dimensional, no matter how much physicists say that’s not possible.

“Aeon Sux” gets a 2 out of 5 from me. The combined talents of the normally excellent actors kept it from receiving a pummeling assault of hammers and instead, I will thankfully retreat to the drunken stupor a keg of Foster’s can provide me.

Have I mentioned this film is stupid?