Pirates 2 DMC
Come back! What did I say?

Theatrical Release Date: 07/07/2006
Director: Gore Verbinski
Cast: Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando, Bill Nighy

First, I want to thank the Big Guy who runs this site for letting me be a guest reviewer. (No problem, thanks for helping me out while I’ve been otherwise detained.)

As the film began I commented to one of my associates that I would rather have seen a live woman’s chest. Upon further review, having seen a lot of questionable looking women(?) over the weekend, I think “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” was okay too.

In figuring out if this is the film for you, the real question you have to ask yourself is “Do I like foppish, yet ratty, looking pirate captains?”

If the pirate captain in question is Johnny Depp and you are an American, then the answer is “Well, I like it better than sticking my dick in a pie. A whole lot better!”

In any case, this film pretty much picks up where the original left off. Keira Knightley is hot. Johnny Depp and Orlando (what a name for a Disney Movie) Bloom are gallivanting about in the newest items from the International Male catalog.

So no matter how you swing, there are (at least) two reasons to see this film.

I don’t know a lot about acting, so I can’t really comment on it.

(Without seeing the film, I want to give props to Bill Nighy who plays Davy Jones in the film. The scenes I’ve seen online make him look amazing and I am always pleased with his performances. I’m willing to bet he rocks in this film. Now on with the review …)

I like Johnny Depp’s character, and think he personifies what an actor is supposed to be, since until now he never played the same character twice, and always brings something new to each project he undertakes. I have no doubt a lot of what makes Jack Sparrow interesting was the work of Depp.

Orlando Bloom is pretty much the same English-accent eye-candy he is in any movie. Next.

Keira Knightly … Well, she is easy on the eyes, although some people thought she was easier in the first one, I really have no complaints. If she wants to eat crackers in bed I wouldn’t care.

The story was impressive, and actually did a nice job of taking a number of elements from the first film and transitioning them into a much broader story, so much so that I am looking forward to the third installment of the series.

Using the imbedded rating system here I would give the movie 3 shots of rum or whatever the equivalent a 3 out of 5 is. Nothing about the film wowed me, it was standard summer blockbuster fare. In fact, I liked the Kraken from “Clash of the Titans” better.

Friggin’ Perseus.