Live Free or Die
Officer, I’d like to report a terrible movie.

Theatrical Release Date: 03/30/2007
Directors: Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin
Cast: Aaron Stanford, Paul Schneider, Michael Rapaport, Kevin Dunn, Zooey Deschanel

Owwww ….Oh, God my head. This movie sucks.

I was hoping for a nice little indie gem, with witty humor and wonderful performances.

What do I get? A completely lackluster story and characters that couldn’t hold my attention long enough for me to wait to write the review before the movie was finished.

Yes, that’s right. As we speak, “Live Free or Die” is possibly reaching its uninspiring conclusion.

The movie is about a two-bit crook with aspirations of grandeur and a slow-witted accomplice. Through a nauseating set of circumstances, their petty crimes get mixed up with some small town murders and the “legend” of their crime spree is born.

Wheee … Do yourselves a favor and avoid this film. The comedy isn’t funny, the plot is predictable and it’s more like something you and your friends would shoot with your new dv camera than an actual film production that took dozens of people to complete.

I’d mention how this falls into the category of films better off not made so the production costs can be rerouted to my bank account but I think this check would bounce.

I’m still baffled at how you can gather a fun group of actors together and not be able to come up with an interesting film. Hell, even something like “Coyote Ugly” has an upside … Why am I still writing about this?

The only reason this doesn’t get the dreaded bag of hammers thrown at it is because the movie didn’t offend me, it just bored me. I’m giving “Live Free or Die” a 1 out of 5 and I’d honestly prefer to die.