Mother of Tears
Oh no, just because you’re in this film doesn’t mean you don’t have to watch it!

Theatrical Release Date: 10/31/2007 (Italy), 06/06/2008 (USA)
Director: Dario Argento
Cast: Asia Argento, Cristian Solimeno, Adam James, Moran Atias, Udo Kier

Holy Crap, yeah I watched the final chapter in the Three Mothers trilogy, The “Mother of Tears”, and it hurt. I mean bag of hammers hurt.

When an ancient urn is unearthed outside of a Roman cemetery, a talisman within releases a powerful witch from her tomb, the Third Mother, the “Mother of Tears”. She is the last survivor of a powerful cult of the Three Mothers who have wreaked havoc on civilizations for eons, and she is once again free to incite rape and murder in all its gruesome glory. In order to wreak true havoc on Rome she draws witches from around the world to her side, and not so surprisingly, they all bear a strange resemblance to strung out fashion model-harpies. Pass the first hammer from the bag, please.

Asia Argento (“XXX”, “The Last Mistress”) plays Sarah Mandy, the daughter to a powerful witch who died fighting against the “Mother of Sighs”. In true horror fashion, when Sarah’s friend opens the urn she is gruesomely disemboweled, her teeth knocked out with a medieval torture device and subsequently devoured by demon spawns from hell. After witnessing the tragedy, the spirit of Sarah’s mother helps her escape. As she flees Rome in hope of escaping the Mother of Tears Sarah comes to learn she has inherited her mother’s powers and is the only one who has a chance to defeat the Mother of Tears and her minions.

As you have come to expect from director Dario Argento, the story is not the point. The gore is the point. The gore was disgusting, as you would expect. So I almost want to give this movie one star for the makeup and effects, but then I remember all the other movies that have done gore better before and pass myself another hammer instead. In fact the opening credits give away all the major ways that people die in this movie. So really all you have to watch is the opening credits and then turn it off.

Being a fan of nudity, especially hot actresses like Asia Argento, I was pleased to find a shower scene hidden amongst the muck that made up this film. However, in the same breathe I am completely repulsed by the fact that her own father was directing her; just ick and double ick. I guess when you grow up directing B horror erotica, few things are out of bounds.

The costuming was as flimsy as the story line and almost as bad as the acting. There is nothing original or unique about this movie, it was so depressing to watch because I know that Dario Argento is capable of so much more – even if his daughter isn’t. It seems he made this movie for his die-hard fans sakes. If you want to see Dario’s work in his prime, watch “Susperia”, a classic cult film that capitalizes on sound and vision over plot.

“Mother of Tears” on the other hand gets a 0 out of 5 (hence my references to a bag of hammers). It’s the biggest budget film Argento has worked on, and I have to wonder if this hasn’t been a major reason for the film’s disaster. Is it too many cooks in the kitchen? Did the money overwhelm him and he got lost in the shuffle? One would hope a director would age like fine wine, improving over time, but the reality makes this little goth girl want to cry.

If you have never been one for B movie horror films, run away from this movie. In fact, begin running now whoever you are, save yourselves, I am lost, go on without me. Here . . . take my bag of hammers . . . use it on anyone even thinking about seeing this movie . . . it’s the only kindness you can offer them.