Zombie Strippers
Whatever you do, don’t ask her for the face dance!

Theatrical Release Date: 04/18/2008
Director: Jay Lee
Cast: Robert Englund, Jenna Jameson, Roxy Saint, Shamron Moore, Carmit Levité, Jennifer Holland, Penny Drake, Jeannette Sousa, Calvin Green, , Joey Medina

Ian Forbes’ Rating:

Elizabeth Edgemont’s Rating:

Oh.
My.
God.

There are things I never thought I would do in this lifetime. Like go to the moon, for example. Find a cure for cancer. Become Miss Universe. Communicate with animals psychically to solve crimes.

I never even imagined that I should add to the list watching an undead porn star do a sideways split on a stripper pole. During prime time at a mainstream movie theater.

I would have rather been an animal psychic, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers.

But I digress.

I had the dubious honor of screening “Zombie Strippers”, a new horror? comedy? skinemax? film coming to take the world by storm today. As soon as the theater began to fill with the random mix of viewers that would be attracted to a film of this caliber, I knew it would be an interesting evening of cinema.

I was not mistaken.

I suppose you want to know what this film is about. I’m not sure I want to remember that much, but here goes. It the “not so distant future”, we are at war with countless nations (including Alaska, apparently), and we are all out of military personnel. To solve this problem, we have created a chemo-virus that reanimates dead flesh. Naturally, the virus escapes and infects Petty Officer Byrdflough (Zak Kilberg, and I swear I didn’t make either name up). He escapes to an underground strip club, where he infects the most popular stripper (Jameson). The stripper becomes a Super Zombie Stripper, an incredible dancer with the minor flaw of being dead. Oh yeah, and eating men alive. Soon, other strippers begin to crave the validation of being super strippers, and between undead strippers and their undead roadkill patrons, all hell breaks loose.

Now, I bet you are asking yourself, “What could possibly be wrong with this movie?” The answer is everything. The acting is subpar, and if you recognize more than one or two of the actors in this film you are a little scary. The writing is subpar. Most of the effects are subpar. The characters are textbook, right down to the slimy club owner (Englund), the madam with a nearly unintelligible accent (Levite), the new stripper come to raise money for her family (Anderson), and the stripper with a heart of gold (Sousa).

It is almost too gory to be strictly comedy, too laughable to be strictly horror, and simply too gross to be even remotely tasteful. It is offensive enough that at some point almost every audience member cringed in repulsion.

And yet, it worked.

It is rare that you get to watch a film that is B in every sense of the word on the big screen. I am amazed that this did not go straight to DVD. It is the kind of film that is screened at midnight in colleges or small theaters, and to see it first run at 7 pm in a mainstream theater was weird. And fun.

What I really give it credit for is going all out. If you are going to make a film about strippers, you should use former porn stars. If you are going to make a movie about zombies, it should be gross. If you are going to combine the two, well, this is what you should get, I guess. Watching two dead strippers (Jameson and Moore) have a dance-off that quickly devolves into a brawl with leftover body parts, ping-pong balls, and billiard balls (use your imagination) was definitely a highlight – or lowlight, depending on your point of view.

I can’t in good conscience really recommend this film to anyone, as I had to take two showers afterwards and still woke up screaming, “Not the face dance!”. However, if you have read all the way to the bottom of this review, maybe it’s the movie for you.

For making a movie that delivers all it has to offer, whether it is morally reprehensible or not, I give it a 2.

And hey, it’s better than “Norbit“.