“The idea of a quote, hoax, unquote, never entered my mind”. Casey Affleck says this about the purported “documentary”, “I’m Still Here“, in a New York Times article that came out yesterday. To which my reply is: Bullshit.

It’s painfully obvious (and painful to watch) that the film was anything but true. The interactions with Ben Stiller (whose inclusion alone is a red flag) and P. Puff Diddy Daddy play out like MTV Movie Award skits. There’s a freakin’ cast list that rolls once the irritating images fade from the screen. And we see Joaquin Phoenix doing “drugs”, carousing with “hookers” and both verbally and physically abusing his “assistants”. Like watching “The Blair Witch Project” and logically stating to yourself that there’s no way an actual snuff film gets released in thousands of theaters, there’s no way Phoenix and his BFF/brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, would submit themselves to police attention so overtly.

And now, Affleck wants to set the record straight? Why? He’s duped people, which was obviously the goal. He and Phoenix wanted to seem like the smartest guys in the room, pulling off a modern day Andy Kaufman gag. That he did admit to the farce only proved my assertion that he and Phoenix couldn’t contain their giddiness about “fooling” audiences. It also proves that if there’s any truth to the notion that saying this was a documentary when it’s actually not is a prosecutable offense, this was the real motivation for spilling the dirty, foul tasting beans.

I’ve forgiven Ben Affleck for “Gigli”, not only because it was simply one monumentally bad acting decision but also because he’s gone on to direct two fantastic films (“Gone Baby Gone” and “The Town“). Casey has a lot more to make up for now and Joaquin might as well retire (which he isn’t going to do, sadly). I hope anyone duped into theaters who felt like they were just visually and audibly assaulted had the good sense to ask for a refund or passes to another film so they could cleanse their soul.

For shame, Mr. Affleck.

For shame, Mr. Phoenix.

P.S. I’d like to apologize to my own brain for submitting it to such torture. I promise to make it up to you with copious amounts of red wine.

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