Fri 11 Feb 2011
Director Dennis Dugan has an appalling track record. WIth “Grown Ups“, “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan“, and “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” under his belt, I can say that my expectations of “Just Go With It”, the only new Rom-Com for Singles Awareness Day weekend, was on the ground floor.
To top things off, I already knew that I’d have to endure Jennifer Aniston all for the sake of seeing Brooklyn Decker in a bikini on the big screen and Nicole Kidman’s in this clusterfudge as well (hah, no soap for this mouth today!). Even a super small cameo for Minka Kelly (who suckered me into “The Roommate“) doesn’t ease the fact that I suffered through this crap for almost TWO HOURS.
And oh my FUCKING GOD, this was absolute torture (all the soap in the world is worth using this review to vent my anger). The premise is retarded and I apologize to anyone with special needs because this should offend everyone.
So, Adam Sandler plays a douchebag who uses a wedding ring to gain sympathy with the younger ladies who then bang him. Of course, when he meets Brooklyn Decker’s character, a 23 year-old Sixth Grade teacher, this little ploy backfires and he’s worried that the girl of his dreams (whom he’s know for less than 12 hours) will slip through his fingers.
He then enlists Jennifer Aniston (his longtime assistant at the plastic surgery office he runs) and her kids in a web of lies on a trip to Hawaii in order to convince Ms. Decker that they’re meant for each other. Of course, somewhere along the way Sandler and Aniston realize they love each other and blah, blah, blah. Wait, WHAT THE FUCK? Did I miss something here? Did I have a FUCKING STROKE? How will all of these complex emotions be sorted out within the span of a few days? Why does Decker’s character go along with any of this SHIT? Who the hell thought bringing in Nicole Kidman was a good idea (the sunburn insurance alone should have nixed this)? Why does a $8,000 a night suite have only ONE FUCKING bed? How is this ever going to work?
Oh yeah, it DOESN’T. The plot progression refuses to conform to any form of logic and only gets worse and worse and FUCKING WORSE. What audiences get is a series of attempts at humor, only it’s the type of SHIT we’ve seen from Sandler before … in the ’90s … which was A LONG FUCKING TIME AGO. He needs to move on, take the pulse of the world in today’s society and see if he can hack it there. This string of BULLSHIT films disguised as cutesy romantic comedies is only pissing me off now (can you tell?).
Not even the absolutely drop dead GORGEOUS Brooklyn Decker in multiple bikinis can save the head trauma that is this film. Yes, that’s right, for every horny dude out there (and some of the ladies … hello there), if you’re thinking the exposed skin will save the experience, remember that this is PG-13 and you’ll find much better pictures of Decker on the Internet … which is FUCKING FREE.
Now, the screening audience was laughing their asses off at this thing but if I could understand why, I’d have to kill myself. I’m sorry if I don’t fall for the completely telegraphed setups. I’m that asshole who expects a shred of originality. And go ahead and say critics are out of touch. I don’t care. I want to like every film I see, I want them to be good. But I also expect a modicum of common sense and integrity to the films I see so shame on me.
“Just Go With It” gets a 0 out of 5 and should “Just Go to Hell”. It ranks right up there with “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” and is a shameless excuse for Sandler and his pals to take another vacation to Hawaii and let the suckered public foot the bill.
Let me leave you with this thought, and I say it without a shred of sarcasm or facetiousness. I would rather watch the “Justin Bieber” film on a GODDAMN LOOP for a day, than see this piece of FLAMING SHIT one more time.
Have a nice day. I love you all.