Hide the beer in the car, you said. It’ll never look there, you said.

Welcome to Jurassic Park … Rules for Fools edition. Seeing it on TV the other day, I remembered just how many repetitive elements there are in this. Plus, it’s still a pretty entertaining film. Next time some cable channel is playing it 7 times in 3 days, try watching it once with these rules in mind.

Anytime Spielberg uses one his patented “people looking” shots

Anytime you feel it’s appropriate to add the line “I’m Jeff Goldblum” after he says something flippant or snide.

Whenever someone dies (on or off screen), drink twice

Whenever the little girl asks a dumb question

Whenever Laura Dern prods Sam Neill about her desire to have kids

Whenever Richard Attenborough says “we spared no expense”

EVERY time a dinosaur’s name is mentioned. (I’ll leave it up to you if meatasaurus and vegesaurus count.)


“Rules for Fools” is intended for entertainment purposes only. In no way do we suggest that anyone actually attempt to play any of these games. If played, there is a serious risk of various alcohol related hazards, up to and including death.

Instead of alcohol, may we suggest using slurpees and laughing as brainfreezes ring out around the room as you and your friends chill your brain?

Please remember that alcohol should not be treated carelessly and we at The Sobering Conclusion urge you to reconsider should you actually be thinking of playing any drinking game on this site or any other. Should you in fact choose to play a game on this site, we at The Sobering Conclusion assume no responsibility for any health problem you may experience whatsoever. Your decisions are yours and yours alone.

We do not assume any responsibility whatsoever for decisions made by you or your guests in relation to games on this site or any period thereafter.