The Green Hornet
That’s right, I said I’d rather be shot than watch this movie again.

Theatrical Release Date: 01/14/2011
Director: Michel Gondry
Cast: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Christolph Waltz, Cameron Diaz, Tom Wilkinson, Edward James Olmos


Fancy rims don’t make this any better.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop worrying about creating a review of substantial quality when the film it’s about doesn’t bother to do the same.

As such, I can quickly sum up my critique of “The Green Hornet”. As the original source of the material are comic books from the 1940s, this does qualify as a “comic book film” … and almost single-handedly sets back the progress made by the genre in 2010 with excellent adaptations by “Kick-Ass” and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World“.

Director Michel Gondry may have impressed me with his work on “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” but his visual touches here felt pretentious and forced. Seth Rogen once again plays Seth Rogen but his schtick is wearing thin on me (if you are a hardcore fan, I doubt you care what I say about this film anyway). Jay Chou doesn’t pretend to be Bruce Lee and that’s fine, he does what he can given the script but they tried too hard to make these two buddy-buddy rather than really relying on the odd couple scenario to organically bring in the laughs (they try to do this but fail miserably).

Wait, didn’t I say I wasn’t going to waste my time here? Geez, I’m breaking a resolution already.

Look, the action is far from jaw-dropping. Good actors (Tom Wilkinson, Christolph Waltz) couldn’t save the sinking script. The comedy failed to elicit laughter from me and panders to the lowest common denominator. What else went wrong? Oh yeah, the post-conversion 3D fails to make anything actually 3D … unless you count the end credits, which do enter the third dimension, but I doubt you paid an extra few bucks for 3D text after the film has ended.

I took my 3D glasses off for a substantial section of the film, making it through a few scenes of dialogue AND an action scene without really hurting my eyes because not enough elements were converted, hence no double vision making my brain go all wonky.

Simply put, there are plenty of reasons the studio behind “The Green Hornet” kept delaying the release and eventually opened it in January – the month all studios dump properties they have no faith in. It stinks, it isn’t worth your time and this will only make money because of the media barrage and the fact that there are no other new releases out there to watch for people who have nothing better to do. I’m probably being too nice in giving this film a 1.5 out of 5. And I’ve damn sure spent far too much time writing this review.

Just do your laundry, wash the dishes, or vacuum the living room. At least there will be a sense of accomplishment to follow your effort in those cases. Wasting money on this is an insult to starving children, poor college students and that uncle of yours who’s at the bottom of every pyramid scheme.

1.5 out of 53D No