The Roommate
Exasperated by the complexity of a door handle, Minka finally succumbs and awaits her savior.


Theatrical Release Date: 02/04/2011
Director: Christian E. Christiansen
Cast: Minka Kelly, Leighton Meester, Cam Gigandet, Aly Michalka, Danneel Harris
Rated: PG-13 for violence and menace, sexual content, some language and teen partying.
Runtime: 1 hour, 33 minutes


Trailer:

Be very, very quiet. I’m hunting roommates.

DISCLAIMER: If you have ANY intention of seeing this movie click HERE.

Even if that didn’t deter you, read on but be warned that I don’t care if I spoil something, I don’t care if I fucking cuss, I don’t care if you don’t care. This is more of a stress reduction exercise than a thoughtful film critique.

Now, I had been giddily looking forward to “The Roommate”. What’s not to like when you adapt the “Single White Female” premise for a new generation and insert Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester into the lead roles? That’s right, nothing (well, I can do without Cam Gigandet but one can’t always get everything they want).

To no great surprise, the film was not screened for press. I’m sure the studio hopes that the absence of a plethora of scathing reviews will translate into enough bored teens and pervy older men turning up to throw away their money.

However, the first problem comes when you realize that this film is PG-Fucking 13! What the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on here? “Single White Female” didn’t shy away from naughty words and naked women – it earned its R-rating. But I suppose like 2009′s “Obsessed” with Beyoncé and Ali Larter, the hope is that the mere suggestion of exposed flesh will mean those aforementioned teens and pervy older men will turn out in droves.

Well, I’m here to take a stand and help out all of my fellow man. There is NO nudity. The language is tamer than most cable television shows. And the catfight that inevitably ensues in the final scenes is anything but titillating. Still want to see this? I mean, not only does this spit in the face of “Single White Female”, this gives “Disturbing Behavior” a bad name when it comes to lewd and crude events. Yeah, that’s right: “Disturbing Behavior”!

The problems in the film stem from a horrific script, shitty acting and terrible direction. Just to give you an idea of how bad a job director Christian E. Christiansen did here, let me just say that he threw in more needless, ineffective and studenty camera movements than an entire semester of an NYU film class. Also, here’s my guess on what notes he gave the lead actors in regards to how they should play their roles:

Minka – Just look hot.
Leighton – Pretend … ummm … Wait, what?
Cam – Squint HARDER.

Now kudos go to the kitten playing the role of “Cuddles” for most believable acting and to the sparkly box cutter for getting the most action. So don’t say I didn’t find something good to say about this film.

And sadly, despite how much I’ve railed against the quality of this haphazard mess, it’s still the most fun I’ve had in a theater so far in 2011. It’s so awful that myself, my friends and the rest of the small handful of victims that made up the midnight audience quickly threw typical theater etiquette out the door and just went ahead with mocking the sheer craptitude up on the screen.

A 1 out of 5, “The Roommate” felt like a Lifetime movie of the week … only that would be insulting to most in the genre. One should only see this if suffering from severe masochism or an intense love of enjoying particularly terrible film making.

1 out of 5