No Ethan, this is just a drinking game.

A striking remembrance of the 90s, “Empire Records” is a dividing line between generations x, y, and whatever the heck kids are today. You either love it, don’t get it, or never saw it. I, of course, loved it and whenever it drifts onto the television, the channel surfing comes to an abrupt end. You don’t need any of these rules to enjoy the film but why not revisit an under appreciated ensemble piece that makes the inclusion of Liv Tyler, Robin Tunney & Renee Zellweger not only okay but somehow perfectly cast.

There are two ways to play this one, and it depends on the number of people gathered around. If it’s just you and a friend or two, go for Track 1. If you have a small horde and they rightfully stocked your fridge with cold beverages, try Track 2.

    Track 1:

These are all social drinks.

Anytime someone says “Empire”, “Music Town”, or “$9,000″

Anytime a new song starts playing

    Track 2:

Rather than work together, everyone picks a character name. Anytime their name is said in the film, tip back that beverage. Names are listed in frequency of use, highest to lowest.


Pushing 50
Rex (Rexy, Rex Manning, Sexy Rexy)



Mitch (Mitchell)
Deb (Debra)

Under 10
(if you’re picking one of these, maybe add in Track 1′s rules too … lightweight)


“Rules for Fools” is intended for entertainment purposes only. In no way do we suggest that anyone actually attempt to play any of these games. If played, there is a serious risk of various alcohol related hazards, up to and including death.

Instead of alcohol, may we suggest using slurpees and laughing as brainfreezes ring out around the room as you and your friends chill your brain?

Please remember that alcohol should not be treated carelessly and we at The Sobering Conclusion urge you to reconsider should you actually be thinking of playing any drinking game on this site or any other. Should you in fact choose to play a game on this site, we at The Sobering Conclusion assume no responsibility for any health problem you may experience whatsoever. Your decisions are yours and yours alone.

We do not assume any responsibility whatsoever for decisions made by you or your guests in relation to games on this site or any period thereafter.